I came across this article a few days ago, while perusing my Medical School Flipboard app. As I was reading it, I had quite a few mixed feelings. The article is a commentary on the reasons why people should not enter the medical profession, from the perspective of a medical school graduate who has decided, for the right reasons, not to practice medicine. First, I totally agree with most of his statements. For those of you that are not going to read the original article, I shall sum it up in a moment. Since I agree with them, I had the fleeting thought of "Oh, $h!t!, what am I doing in med school?" And then I reached the bottom, and the second guessing disappeared. But, he has some very valid points, and I thought them worth commenting on. I plan on doing a few blogs, each addressing a few of his points.
1. You will lose all the friends you had before medical school.
This is extremely sad because there is quite a bit of truth in it. For many of us, we have three groups of friends: childhood/high school friends, college friends, and professional friends. The further we get in our careers, the more we have in common with our current friend group, usually the professional friends. As a result, those people develop into our closest friends, transforming childhood and college buddies into mere acquaintances. Fortunately, I like to think this does not apply to me, as I have been amazingly blessed by the fact that my childhood girlfriends have remained my best friends, and truly have become like sisters. Still, I live across the country from them. I miss birthdays, weddings, camping trips, etc., and the fear is always there that we will grow apart and become nothing more than acquaintances. That is definitely the experience most of my colleagues have had, and the experience I have had with my college friends. People I hung out with for four years, I haven't talked to since before med school. It's sad. But, honestly, we don't have time. Well, make time, you may think. If these relationships are important to you, there has to be time.
False. Medical school turns even the most social and caring person into a self-involved hermit at times. Why? Because that is necessary for us to make the grade, pass the test, cure the patient, save the life.
For the most part, when we "make time," that time goes towards self-rejuvenation, family, and significant others. There are weeks where even this is a huge struggle, so making time for old friends becomes increasingly difficult.
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2. You will have difficulty sustaining a relationship in medical school.
Nine of my classmates got married this summer. That absolutely wows me! Congratulations and best of luck to them, and to all of the serious couples in med school. I do not know how they do it! Comes back to that self-involved thing. Being self-involved sounds so negative, and in most circumstances, it is negative, especially when it comes to relationships - hence, the deterioration of many pre-med school friends. Like I said though, it is necessary to be self-involved and self-disciplined, at least to a certain degree, to get a MD. The successful couples in my class have a ridiculous amount of understanding between them. All of these couples were together before med school, and for us single students out there, we will most likely be single throughout med school (sad face), unless we meet another med student.
My argument: There is no time to meet someone outside of the program. Why? Because when we do actually go out, we have no friends outside of each other, therefore we go out together. I have met a few guys outside of school, and within two weeks, all hope of a potential relationship was gone. Let me give you an example using the text conversation with the guy I met last weekend.
Guy: Hey hey
Me: Hey what's up!?
Guy: Finishing work. How bout you?
Me, focused on studying and do not want to engage in conversation. Eventually forget conversation exists.
24 hours later:
Guy: You're really good at texting, by the way haha
Me, annoyed because I was studying and forgot, soooorrryyyy.
Me: Med school does that. I'll read it in class or when busy then get side tracked.
Guy: I feel ya. What year are you? We should do something in your free time
Me: Second year. Ya for sure. (Me, thinking, "Free time? This kid has no clue. No chance.")
24 hours later:
Guy: What are you studying in med school?
Me: We don't apply for a specialty until 4th year, but I'm going into specialized peds. Currently taking path, infections dz, pharm, and clinical practice.
Guy: Sounds really fun (sarcasm).
Me, well that was meant to be funny, but I don't know you, so I'm slightly insulted and I don't have time for you anyway, why do you keep texting me? Not responding.
24 hours later:
Guy: What's up?
Me: Oh just studying, the usual
Guy: Oh geez, you gonna have free time tomorrow (Dude!? Really!?)
Me: Haha, that's funny. Class 8-430, meetings 5-730, then studying.
Guy: Haha i love how you laugh about it. Guess I won't be seeing you for awhile.
Yep, good conclusion.
And I really get annoyed with the guys that think I'm mad at them if I don't text them back within ten minutes. I can't fault people for not understanding the time it takes to pursue this career, but I can certainly get annoyed with them, lol. And if a guy doesn't get that or at least attempt to understand right from the start, then that is neeeever going to work.
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Basically, the only med students I know that have gotten into new relationships during medical school have all gotten into a relationship with another med student. Why? Understanding. Neither of you has lots of time, so when you do, you make the most of it together. You can complain to each other, and totally get it. You can nerd-out and get excited about biochemical pathways or clinical cases, and have an educated conversation about it. You can study together in complete silence, and be totally okay with it. You can yell at each other when you're stressed about school, and not take it personally.
It's interesting, though. I'd say my med school friends are split 50/50 on who would prefer to marry another physician and who would prefer to marry someone in a career totally non-healthcare related. In the end, whatever happens happens, but I do agree that it is very difficult to sustain a healthy relationship during med school.
To be continued...
Bahahaha, I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've had that EXACT text conversation... kiiiiind of depressing.
ReplyDeleteWhat might be more insane than choosing a career in medicine though, is that I would choose it again every single time, even knowing firsthand the sacrifices that come with it.