My Take on A Gleefully Biased Rant: Part I

Why You Should Not Go To Medical School: A Gleefully Biased Rant

I came across this article a few days ago, while perusing my Medical School Flipboard app. As I was reading it, I had quite a few mixed feelings. The article is a commentary on the reasons why people should not enter the medical profession, from the perspective of a medical school graduate who has decided, for the right reasons, not to practice medicine. First, I totally agree with most of his statements. For those of you that are not going to read the original article, I shall sum it up in a moment. Since I agree with them, I had the fleeting thought of "Oh, $h!t!, what am I doing in med school?" And then I reached the bottom, and the second guessing disappeared. But, he has some very valid points, and I thought them worth commenting on. I plan on doing a few blogs, each addressing a few of his points.

1. You will lose all the friends you had before medical school.

This is extremely sad because there is quite a bit of truth in it. For many of us, we have three groups of friends: childhood/high school friends, college friends, and professional friends. The further we get in our careers, the more we have in common with our current friend group, usually the professional friends. As a result, those people develop into our closest friends, transforming childhood and college buddies into mere acquaintances. Fortunately, I like to think this does not apply to me, as I have been amazingly blessed by the fact that my childhood girlfriends have remained my best friends, and truly have become like sisters. Still, I live across the country from them. I miss birthdays, weddings, camping trips, etc., and the fear is always there that we will grow apart and become nothing more than acquaintances. That is definitely the experience most of my colleagues have had, and the experience I have had with my college friends. People I hung out with for four years, I haven't talked to since before med school. It's sad. But, honestly, we don't have time. Well, make time, you may think. If these relationships are important to you, there has to be time.

False. Medical school turns even the most social and caring person into a self-involved hermit at times. Why? Because that is necessary for us to make the grade, pass the test, cure the patient, save the life.

For the most part, when we "make time," that time goes towards self-rejuvenation, family, and significant others. There are weeks where even this is a huge struggle, so making time for old friends becomes increasingly difficult. 

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2. You will have difficulty sustaining a relationship in medical school.

Nine of my classmates got married this summer. That absolutely wows me! Congratulations and best of luck to them, and to all of the serious couples in med school. I do not know how they do it! Comes back to that self-involved thing. Being self-involved sounds so negative, and in most circumstances, it is negative, especially when it comes to relationships - hence, the deterioration of many pre-med school friends. Like I said though, it is necessary to be self-involved and self-disciplined, at least to a certain degree, to get a MD. The successful couples in my class have a ridiculous amount of understanding between them. All of these couples were together before med school, and for us single students out there, we will most likely be single throughout med school (sad face), unless we meet another med student.

My argument: There is no time to meet someone outside of the program. Why? Because when we do actually go out, we have no friends outside of each other, therefore we go out together. I have met a few guys outside of school, and within two weeks, all hope of a potential relationship was gone. Let me give you an example using the text conversation with the guy I met last weekend.

Guy: Hey hey

Me: Hey what's up!?

Guy: Finishing work. How bout you?

Me, focused on studying and do not want to engage in conversation. Eventually forget conversation exists.

24 hours later:

Guy: You're really good at texting, by the way haha

Me, annoyed because I was studying and forgot, soooorrryyyy. 

Me: Med school does that. I'll read it in class or when busy then get side tracked.

Guy: I feel ya. What year are you? We should do something in your free time

Me: Second year. Ya for sure. (Me, thinking, "Free time? This kid has no clue. No chance.")

24 hours later:

Guy: What are you studying in med school?

Me: We don't apply for a specialty until 4th year, but I'm going into specialized peds. Currently taking path, infections dz, pharm, and clinical practice.

Guy: Sounds really fun (sarcasm).

Me, well that was meant to be funny, but I don't know you, so I'm slightly insulted and I don't have time for you anyway, why do you keep texting me? Not responding.

24 hours later:

Guy: What's up?

Me: Oh just studying, the usual

Guy: Oh geez, you gonna have free time tomorrow (Dude!? Really!?)

Me: Haha, that's funny. Class 8-430, meetings 5-730, then studying.

Guy: Haha i love how you laugh about it. Guess I won't be seeing you for awhile.

Yep, good conclusion.  

And I really get annoyed with the guys that think I'm mad at them if I don't text them back within ten minutes. I can't fault people for not understanding the time it takes to pursue this career, but I can certainly get annoyed with them, lol. And if a guy doesn't get that or at least attempt to understand right from the start, then that is neeeever going to work.

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How I feel when annoying texts interrupt my studying.

Basically, the only med students I know that have gotten into new relationships during medical school have all gotten into a relationship with another med student. Why? Understanding. Neither of you has lots of time, so when you do, you make the most of it together. You can complain to each other, and totally get it. You can nerd-out and get excited about biochemical pathways or clinical cases, and have an educated conversation about it. You can study together in complete silence, and be totally okay with it. You can yell at each other when you're stressed about school, and not take it personally.

It's interesting, though. I'd say my med school friends are split 50/50 on who would prefer to marry another physician and who would prefer to marry someone in a career totally non-healthcare related. In the end, whatever happens happens, but I do agree that it is very difficult to sustain a healthy relationship during med school.

To be continued...

Rude, Hard Awakening

Well, ladies and gents, today I was thrown back into the swing of med school so hard that I have no clue what hit me. In a mere 13 hours, every hope and dream that I had of keeping my room clean, having a really awesome social life, and attempting to relax on a daily basis was thrown out the window. 

For one glorious week in med school, I was able to make my bed every day, whip up some spaghetti or go grocery shopping whenever I wanted, do multiple loads of laundry, and at least think about working out. 

And now, as I look out over my room that is in complete shambles, I know that I will never be able to cook, clean my clothes, work out or bathe again. I mean.... I will try to remember to bathe. That's probably an important one. 

Anyway, I woke up around 10am, allowing myself to sleep in and recover from the epic Toga party we had last night (Yes, when we get the chance, we really do Party Like Med Students). I showered, made breakfast, and relaxed until my tutor group at noon, innocently thinking that today would be like the past week - relatively care-free and full of studying "for fun," rather than out of necessity. I went to my pathology tutor group and felt pretty good about the material. Two hours of studying necrosis and apoptosis flew by, and I was pysched to get a good room at school to finish what I thought would be a really fun and educational assignment. Boy, was I wrong. 

As a part of pathology (the study and diagnosis of disease), we have weekly small group sessions. We are assigned cases and we have to act as both the clinician and the pathologist for each case, and specialize as an expert in an assigned case. I was so excited about this course component, because it is the first time we get to make differential diagnoses on our own and analyze pathological histology (microscopic slides of disease). In fact, I was so excited about small groups, that I acted like a total gunner and started researching each case last Wednesday, in my "free time," "for fun." I spent three hours looking up various diseases that I know nothing about (we haven't learned about them in class, yet) and getting excited about "being a doctor." So, today, I set up in my study room with a couple of good friends, and we started really working on the assignment. After an hour, none of us were past step ONE (there are at least three steps to each case) of case ONE (there are four cases). 

All of a sudden, I realize that I am famished and run over to the hospital to get food. Then I realize - Oh, God! It's started! I'm forgetting to eat! I'm forgetting to take care of myself! 

I run back to school, attend another tutor group, only to have more of my hopes and dreams shattered with the phrases "you only have to study pharmacology for two hours every day. One in the morning before class. One at night before bed. Basically, you need to make flashcards and be able to rattle off 900 drugs and their mechanisms, implications, and side effects in 20 minutes."

Whoa, now, back it up here. 

1. Class starts at 8:30. That auditorium is lucky if I grace it with my presence. No way will I be studying for an hour before that. 

2. One hour at night before bed? Nope. Don't see that a-happenin' either. 

3. At least 3600 facts in 20 minutes? Disgusting. 

After tutor group, I practiced physical exam skills for an hour, then came home and promptly began working on my path cases again. I made it through case one, and I had spent a solid hour on case two, when I clicked on a picture, and BOOM! The program deleted everything I had submitted for case two and I had the wonderful pleasure of restarting it. Technology, oh, how I love thee. That was four hours ago. Since then, I have completed case three and half of case four. I began to see double, my butt started hurting, and I actually had to google the definition of "carcinoma" just to make sure it still meant "cancer." That was the final breaking point. 

Today, I have officially spent: 

3 hours in tutor groups

1 hour in the physical exam suite

8 hours on path cases

...for a grand total of 12 hours on med school. I did not work out (or even think about it today). I did not make my bed. I did not fold my laundry. I did not pack my stuff up for my storage unit. I did not complete my lab quiz, or my pre-reading, or half of the other things on my personal and school to-do lists.

In six hours, I will be waking up to attend:

8 hours of class

1 hour of meetings

2 hour of physical exam skills

and at least 3 hours of homework (not even studying, just assignments)

...for a grand total of 14 hours on med school. 

Overall, that will be:

3 gunner hours on path

8 frustrating hours on path

and probably 1 hour on path tomorrow because that's all I will have time for before small group

...for a total of 12 hours on one assignment.

Nothing says "Welcome back to med school" more than the complete feeling of exhaustion and the fact that every time I close my eyes I see histology slides.

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M2 Year: BEGIN!

After a glorious two months of attempting to pretend that I am not a medical student, I have officially began my second year of medical school. Therefore, I can no longer avoid reality, sleep in, cook real meals, watch TV on a regular basis, and actually have a real life. As a result, I shall return to blogging the chronicles of life as a medical student. 

Let me compare the beginning of medical school as a first year to the beginning of medical school as a second year. Side note: Today was my 21st first day of school. How 'bout that?

M1 Year: 

Hello, children! Welcome to Orientation Week! You have five days to get to know each other, go out and have some fun downtown, go on tours of the school and hospital, and be excited to finally begin the exciting journey towards becoming a physician.

First day of M1 class: 

8:30: Let's go get our badges!

9:30: Intro to clinical course: Physicians need to be good people. Be a professional. Don't do drugs. Don't get arrested.

10:30: First anatomy lecture! This is anatomical position. This is the front of the body, but we can't just say that, so we are going to call it the ventral aspect. Say goodbye to left, right, above, below, middle, side, top, bottom. Say hello to ventral, dorsal. Anterior, posterior. Lateral, medial. Proximal, distal. Superior, inferior.

12:30: Get confused about where to go for free lunch. Show up late and miss the pizza. Don't get to eat. But, it's okay, because the day is over and you're going home!

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M2 Year:

First Day of M2 Class:

7:00: Wake up, get ready for school.

8:00: Take my car to get fixed, since I know I won't have time to do it in the foreseeable future.

8:00-8:30: Read the first few pages of BRS Anatomy while I am at the car garage. Figure I might as well prepare for school. Immediately close the book when I realize I know nothing. Hate myself for taking summer off. Love myself for taking summer off. Decide to worry about it later.

8:30 - 9:00: Go home, make my bed, eat breakfast, RE-CURL my hair. Why? Because I am well rested and have time to kill (this will probably never happen again). I enjoy it immensely.

9:00: Hitch a ride to school. Enter building feeling like a bad ass M2. Immediately get taken down five pegs when they hand me a three-inch note packet for my clinical course, and it contains only the first six lectures. Knocked down three more pegs as I am handed seven more inches of notes.

9:30: Go to first class, which is basically the intro to my clinical course, where the director tries to convince us that the PA's did the entire first year of medical school in 3 months, so they deserve to be in class with us. Hmm.

9:45: Get punched in the ribs for falling asleep. Attempt to stay awake for rest of class. Actually succeed. Win.

10:30: Refresher on a little something known as Evidenced-Based Medicine (EBM). Basically, get thoroughly confused as a librarian shows me for the fifth time how to run a real search on medical databases. One of those things that you never want to learn, but really need to know. We all suppose we will learn it on the wards when we have no choice. Fingers crossed.

11:30: Intro to pharmacology, where I find out this beautiful 212 page packet I received only covers the first exam's material. I have three weeks to learn these 212 pages. Each page has three slides. 636 slides to memorize in three weeks. For one class...

12:30: Bolt into a meeting to get free food. Beat all of the M1s because I have special tactics to get to the food first. I ain't a rookie.

1:30: An hour on taking sexual histories. This was actually a very entertaining lecture, as you can imagine. My favorite slide read something like: "Sex is common. Many patients have sex. Many patients think about sex. A lot. A whole lot. Doctors are sexual experts." I also learned that 50% of marriages and 70% of non-marriages have a third party enter the picture at some point. Way to refuel my commitment phobia! Other take home facts included: 40% of 18-22 year-olds get chlamydia (at least here), and spontaneous orgasms are often triggered by certain pitches.

2:30 - 4:30: Pathology small group. This was definitely the best few hours of the day. We finally get to do some awesome thinkin' like doctahs. We are given a few cases that we must prepare for every week. Each case has clinical symptoms, and we have to create a list of possible diagnoses, aka a differential diagnosis. We then have to review labs and pathology to narrow down the list and reach (hopefully) the correct diagnosis. Probably going to be one of my favorite aspects of the semester.

4:30 - 5:00: Have a half hour to kill before a board meeting. Get out notes to study. Get on facebook instead.

5:00-6:15: Longest meeting ever.

6:15 - 8:00: Meet friends for dinner and drinks, because we still have time to do this! YAY!

8:00 - 9:15: Get home, realize I am exhausted, immediately pass out. 

Moral of the story: It feels great to be back. Even though I can already tell this year will be a lot more demanding and challenging than the first year, I missed the structure and organization that medical school provides. A small part of me is terrified and already missing the laziness of summer, but most of me is bored and ready to dive head first into the bottomless pit that is medical school. I wouldn't have it any other way. BRING IT ON!!!!!!!

Resident Ghost

Anyone ever get that creepy feeling like a spirit or a ghost is in the room? Well, that happened to me the other day, and as I was recounting the story to my 90 year-old great grandmother, it reminded me of this little med school gem. 

Basically, I live at the med school. I am a night owl, so my most productive hours are about 7pm to 3am (extremely unfortunate... currently working on being a normal person who likes daytime). As a result, I am on first name basis with all of the janitors. One of them even bought me groceries first semester. I must have looked particularly haggard and starving that week, because she came into my study room with a huge Walmart bag full of my poor-student-microwaveable-food-of-choice: Thai Peanut Noodles. She set them down on the table, told me it looked like I needed some food, and wished me luck studying. Looking back, that's kind of embarrassing... but mostly awesome. She even included mini-Nerds and Smarties for dessert. Then there's the second floor janitor. He is actually an established artist. When he handed me his card to check out his artwork online, he gave me this warning, "Don't be alarmed or offended by the nude photos." Dude, I'm gonna be a doctor. Nudity is in. Anyway, his artwork is pretty incredible. His wife is an astrologist and did a reading for me... it's amazing the things you learn about others and yourself by just striking up random conversations. They even invite me to their house for holiday dinners now. 

Back on topic. Since I know all of the janitors, I also know their cleaning schedules. I know that every time I remember that I have to pee, they will be cleaning the downstairs bathrooms. Therefore, I walk upstairs to pee on the second floor. Late at night, when I walk out of the bathroom and turn left, I see a head and shoulders in the window of the last clinical suite. At first, this alarmed me. I was totally freaked out when I walked over to see who was studying inside, and no one was there. I attributed it to too much caffeine, exhaustion, and high stress levels. Then, I saw the face again, and I saw it disappear. I was even more freaked out. Over the course of the year, I saw the face ~10-15 times total, and I got used to it, referring to her in my head as the Resident Ghost. I never mentioned this to anyone, as I say weird things on a regularly basis, and decided it best to leave this one out. Then, one night during finals week, my two girlfriends and I were leaving school late, around 3am. We all had to go to the bathroom on our way out, and I suggested we use the downstairs one because occasionally the upstairs one freaks me out. My one friends says, "OMG! Have you seen her in the window too!!??" 

How crazy is that!? My med school has a ghost. Reppin.

Nerd, Geek, Dork: Which One Are You?

There is clearly a difference between a nerd, a geek, and a dork. 

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Nerd: someone who is passionate about learning, being smart, academia

Why They Are Nerds: thirsty for knowledge and life-long learning; innate desire to understand, rather than accept

What They Look Like: Nerds are the hardest to spot. Stereotypically, nerds look like Urkel - big glasses, pocket protector, high pants, tucked in shirt, etc. Realistically, nerds are just people that like to learn and work hard, ultimately achieving success. Therefore, the only difference between the Urkel and the sexy athletic M4 is the ability to hide their nerdiness. And even then, a lot of nerds prefer to own their nerdiness, taking it as a compliment when someone calls them "nerdy," and seeing it as a turn-on when they meet a fellow nerd.

What They Do For Fun: read, reorganize notes, color-code, study

Where They Like To Go: library

How They Rate a Movie: based on theme/meaning or how closely it followed the book

What They Collect: books, library cards, knowledge

Special Talents: Note-taking, extreme speed and accuracy with a dictionary/encyclopedia/search engine, ability to rattle off random facts

Annoying Traits: automatically correct spelling and grammar errors, obsess over grades, slight OCD

High School Superlative: Most Likely to Succeed

When They Act Like Nerds: All the time. Nerds are constantly thinking and over-loading their brains. Fortunately, most are able to remain socially competent by learning when to keep their mouth shut... unless surrounded by other nerds. 

Geek: someone who is passionate about a particular area or subject, usually an obscure, technological, or difficult one

Why They Are Geeks: obsess over acquiring information about their unique interests, but don't necessarily care about underlying principles

What They Look Like: Geeks are easier to spot than nerds, usually because they don't care as much about what people think of them. They tend not to follow fashion trends, sometimes not even caring if their clothes match or if their hair is combed. Occasionally appear disheveled.

What They Do For Fun: dress up as their favorite character to go to the midnight premiere of Star Trek/Harry Potter/Hunger Games/Lord of the Rings, join fan clubs, search internet forums

Where They Like To Go: Game Stop, Best Buy, movie theaters, anime conventions, Comicon

How They Rate a Movie: based on special effects

What They Collect: electronics, video games, comic books, action figures

Special Talents: speak Elvish, fix computers, hook you up with baller entertainment systems, Internet skills

Annoying Traits: begin conversations about hardware/software

High School Superlative: Most Likely to Work for Apple

When They Act Like Geeks: at home on their computers or anywhere around technology

Dork: someone who is socially awkward and relatively clumsy

Why Dorks Are Special: In my opinion, the term "dork" is usually used in a temporary fashion. While nerds and geeks tend to be nerds and geeks for life, "dork" is usually used to describe a person in a specific scenario. For example, I have a friend who is famously terrible for delivering bad pick-up lines. After watching him waltz over to a lady, who was clearly with her boyfriend, spin a chair around backwards like he was AC Slater, and then ask, "Can I buy you a drink? Because you sure do look like Snookie," I called him a dork. He has some of the best stories, all of which I wish I would have witnessed, because of his social awkwardness with the ladies.

What They Look Like: There are two types of dorks. 

Type I can be spotted tripping in public and laughing it off, because they are aware of their dorkiness. These dorks tend to embrace their social awkwardness, and you can laugh with them. They tend to be funny, silly, and a welcome addition to any party. 

Type II can be spotted tripping in public, turning bright red, and running away with their head hanging, because they are extremely self-conscious. These dorks tend to fear their social awkwardness, and you can't laugh with them. You could laugh at them, but then, if you are a good person, you usually feel bad and just wish you could help them. They tend to be quiet and sitting in the back of the classroom, in order to avoid all attention. Luckily, most Type II dorks tend to develop into Type I dorks after they learn to embrace their occasional clumsiness, leave the embarrassment behind, and just have a good laugh.

What They Do (For Fun?): trip, fall, joke, deliver bad pick-up lines (type I) or avoid flirting in general (type II)

Where They Like To Go: middle of the stage during a talent show (type I) or straight home after school (type II)

How They Rate a Movie: based on how many people are dorkier than they are

What They Collect: bruises, embarrassing stories (generally very funny to tell)

Special Talents: sense of humor (Type I), creating awkwardness

Annoying Traits: creating awkwardness

High School Superlative: Class Clown, Best Sense of Humor

When They Act Like Dorks: The dork holds the element of surprise, the wild card. You never know when the dork will shine. Be ready at all times, preferably with a First Aid kit. 

Which One Am I? Is this even a real question?

According to OKCupid.com, I am Pure Nerd. SURPRISE! 

96% Nerd, 48% Geek, 17% Dork, to be exact. 

I definitely could have predicted this, with my OCD note-taking skills, desire to build a two-story library in my house, and obsession with random facts. Come to think of it, I basically fit every part of nerd description, except I have a hard time keeping the nerd under control in social situations (and I do really, really try sometimes). I also suck at Trivial Pursuit if I'm playing with my parents. And my High School Superlative was Biggest Flirt, although I did get Most Likely to Succeed in the eighth grade.

I have to say, I am slightly impressed by my geekiness. In general, I am very directionally challenged and technologically disinclined. Although, my dad's geekiness results in me having way more technology than I know how to handle. I also admit I may or may not have dressed up for a Harry Potter midnight premiere... or two... or five actually. But, considering I thought "wi-fi" was pronounced "whiffy" up until recently, I can understand why I didn't hit the 50% mark.

As far as dork goes, I don't really like this term, so it's reassuring that I didn't score high on the list. This has nothing to do with not liking dorks or the description - in fact, I can be one of the most socially awkward people I know in some situations, and weird things happen to me that I attribute to clumsiness. Prime example: last summer I almost died (slight exaggeration). My obituary would have had to list the cause of death as "beach umbrella." My mom and I were enjoying a few days at the beach, and we went down to read at 7am. No one else is on the beach, except for one family, and they are sitting a quarter of a mile to our right. Not even within shouting distance. The wind starts to blow a bit, and they lose their beach umbrella. It comes cartwheeling across the vast sands, and they are chasing it. Now, it is heading right towards us. It would have been a jerk move if I got up and ran in the opposite direction instead of helping them out. So, I stand up, brace myself for the umbrella, try to catch it, and the pointy end comes right up, smacks me in the face and stabs me in the jugular. It knocks me over, stuns me, cuts my neck, and I start to bleed. Thankfully, the family could stop chasing their umbrella, since it was impaled in my neck and I was twisted all up in it. Clumsy? Yes. Socially awkward? Absolutely. 

Anyhow, the reason I don't like the term "dork," is because I am a Pure Nerd and actually know that people refer to a "whale penis" as a "dork." Therefore, I commonly refrain from using this term, as every time I do, I automatically think "whale penis." Weird. 

After looking at the other classifications, I'd have to say that the quiz hit the nail on the head, and I enjoy being dubbed Pure Nerd. It definitely fits me better than Pure Geek or Pure Dork. And Joe Normal just sounds boring. Now, Computer Savant, that's a scary one. I didn't even have to read the description to know I would never qualify for that title. Tri-Lamb Material sounds pretty badass (you need over a 50% in both Nerd and Geek to earn this awesome title), and so does Modern, Cool Nerd. Outcast Genius is the last of the categories, and this title makes me slightly sad for anyone who earns this honor, and slightly jealous of them (over 50% required in all three categories).

Which One Are You? 

Click HERE to determine your Nerd, Geek, Dork Status!

You know you're a med student when...

Yesterday, my family and I were driving in the car and I looked at the stereo system.

It read: 71 º , NE.

You know you're a med student when you automatically think "71 º, Norepinephrine,"  instead or "71 º, Northeast." This got me thinking about all of the weird things I do, probably because:

1. I am a medical student.

2. I am a really big nerd. 

I came home and googled "You know you're a med student when..." and came across a really depressing version, where the top reason was something like "you know you're a med student when 80% of your male colleagues will marry a nurse and 80% of your female colleagues won't marry at all." Yikes. So, after consulting some of my fellow classmates and contemplating the weird things that I do, I decided to create my own list.

You know you're a med student when:

1. You are in a car and think "norepinephrine" when you see "NE," instead of "northeast."

2. You see the following pattern on a papertowel and think "cholesterol."

3. You wake up terrified because you dreamed about forgetting to turn in homework or studying for a test for a class that you didn't even realize you were enrolled in... and then you realize it's summer.

4. You buy your first wrinkle cream and start checking for grey hair at the age of 23 because you're convinced med school adds 40 years to people.

5. People ask you what you do for fun, and you say, "SLEEP."

6. You look forward to family reunions so that you can offer free physicals to practice your exam skills... and you actually think this is a good idea, until you see the look on your mother's face.

7. You forget how to describe the locations of things without using the terms "superior, inferior, lateral, medial, anterior, posterior, etc."

8. You can't eat your roast beef sandwich because when you take the bread off to add mustard, it reminds you of the brachial plexus you just spent four hours dissecting.

9. You walk out of cadaver lab to the lockers, and think there is a blood clot on the floor... then realize it's a piece of brownie.

10. You own the following shoes, and you love them:

11. You wish you could listen to everyone on double speed.

12. You look at cross section of a penis, and compare it to Kanye West.

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13. You feel socially incompetent around non-medical people because you can't shut off the Med School Button, and therefore do not know what to talk about.

14. Because you can't shut off the Med School Button, you continually see the blank stares from your family and friends because they are totally tuned out to you... but you keep describing a disease or pathway anyway. It's good review.

Every med student needs THIS button!

15. One of your favorite games to play is "What would I name my kid: (Insert Med School Class Here) Version".

Neuroscience version: Tentorium Cerebelli

Anatomy version: Gubernaculum 

Pharmacology: Allegra

16. You thank your kidneys every time you pee while intoxicated. They just function so well!

17. The morning after you drink, you see the Tylenol bottle and automatically think "CYP, GSH, NAC, liver toxicity," as you reach past it for Aleve or ibuprofen.

18. You turn in your last final, and then somebody hands you 1200 pages of notes for one class, in case you want to read it over Christmas break.

19. You think you have every disorder that you read about. And when someone calls you a hypochondriac, you secretly think, "Yes, but "hypochondriac" also refers to the upper lateral sections of the abdomen, on either side of the epigastric area, below the rib cartilage."

http://shs.westport.k12.ct.us/forensics/02-evidence/regions_&_quadrants.gif

20. You can't eat eggs or fungus because you know too much "science-y" stuff about them.

21. You are excited when you get to shower before an exam, because it is a sign you feel "prepared."

22. Your friends text you pictures of random body parts and want a diagnosis and treatment plan. And they stop going to real doctor, because they think they can just ask you.

23. Your family asks you about all of their health problems during the holiday dinner. And then you make up something that sounds legit... and then tell them that you don't really know anything. Unfortunately, you've just lost your appetite because your great grandmother spent 20 minutes describing every colonoscopy she's ever received.

24. You know that "Army over Navy" and "Tom, Dick, and nervous Harry" don't refer to the military or three men.

25. You close your eyes at night and random body parts pop into your head, you start dissecting them and labeling them, and you are completely okay with this because you count it as studying. 

To be continued...

Pediatric Ponderings

Today was my first day in inpatient pediatrics. My love for pediatrics was reconfirmed, as I enjoyed all of the patients, was able to handle the parents, and preferred the illnesses/chief complaints over those of the usual adult inpatient setting. With this being said, here are the extremely important, life-changing points that I am left pondering at the end of the day:

1. If I have a stuffed animal wrapped around my stethoscope, at what age is it inappropriate to have the patient guess what animal it is or name the color? I think seven could be a good cut off (obviously taking development into consideration). Pretty sure the eight-year-old thought it was lame.

2. What kind of stuffed animal am I going to buy for my stethoscope!? Tigers are my favorite. But, a monkey could be cute. (Sidenote: I hope you can tell I am writing this with sarcastic tones... mostly...)

3. Do I have to ask patients if there are "monkeys in their bellies" or "potatoes in their ears"? I like the monkey idea... maybe... but, I am pretty sure half of the kids under three didn't know what a potato was yet. Could be a problem. Maybe I'll say "cookie."

Adorbs!!! http://swell247.com/baby-doctor-gift-set.html

4. Apparently, I need to borrow my friends' kids and practice changing their clothes. Did not realize I'd have to do that... very awkward, need some skills.

5. Definitely will enjoy a subspecialty over general peds. Something a little more hands on... and when a parent asks what my job is, I don't want to respond with "I'm here to monitor how much your kid eats, pees, and poops." Gen peds is great for being the hub of information and consultation, but I want my daily skills set to go beyond the basic physical exam. Also, I prefer what's going down inside the body, as opposed to what's coming out of the body.

6. I think physicians are either drawn towards peds or drawn towards adults, and there is only a select few that can thoroughly enjoy both categories. Yesterday, an elderly patient was hacking up a storm and I was legitimately scared - had to make a conscious effort not to slowly back out of the room. Lots of things flashed through my mind... getting puked on, dentures falling out, patient falling out of bed, patient dying. None of these are good things (May I point out that I excel at stating the obvious?). In comparison, today, a pediatric patient was hacking up a storm and I was legitimately in doctor mode, immediately consoling the patient and helping him through the fit. Who cares if I get puked on? It will be a smaller amount. The bed is three times the size of this kid, and the kid isn't obese... not gonna fall out of bed.

For some reason, I see kids as more resilient than adults. I appreciate their innocence and potential, and I have more internal faith and belief in them, which is probably the main reason I'm drawn towards peds. Interestingly, my fellow med student friend feels exactly the opposite. She's terrified of kids, I'm terrified of old people. She views pediatric patients as fragile and scary, I tip toe around everyone over 65. She prefers adult puke, I prefer kid puke (again... smaller quantity, yo!). She prefers black and white, I prefer colors and animation.

Edinburg Children's Hospital in Texas. Seriously!?!?! How could you not be happy working here!?!?

7. If I have nightmares tonight, I know exactly who to blame. I've seen students/interns/residents get yelled at and reemed out by attendings before, but only on TV. Today, I witnessed an attending open the gates of hell and unleash 1,000 furies on an intern, and for literally NO REASON! She was walking by as he was explaining why a particular patient was unable to receive oral medication to me. The attending heard only the words  "use oral meds" and flipped out on the intern, telling him how he was "only a first year resident and knows nothing and shouldn't be telling people information that you have no clue about." She then went on to yell how it was "inappropriate for this patient to be on oral medication, so why are you talking about using oral meds? That's wrong. You are wrong." Which, as you can see, he was not wrong, as this was exactly the point he was trying to make, that this patient shouldn't be on oral meds. He literally had to chase her down the hall and try to politely interrupt her rant to defend himself, and then report back to his attending and tell her about the misunderstanding. I literally feared for my life and I was just standing there. Can't wait until it's my turn!